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The
following excerpt is from my new book The
Politics of Hope: Reviving the Dream of Democracy.
Leaders
Can't Be Trusted to Say Yes Unless We Can Be Trusted To Say No.
Leaders
can't be trusted to say "yes" unless we can be trusted to say "no."
If we can't say "no," then our "yes" doesn't carry much weight.
The influence of the small word "no" is embedded in the idea that
we are all human beings and have limits.
The
power of saying the "no" word creates a boundary for our lives.
It works in much the same way that a stable riverbank keeps a river
contained and flowing in a way that provides habitat for fish, transportation
for boats, and water that farmers may use to nourish their crops.
If
we neglect to say "no," if we do not maintain our appropriate limits,
then like a flooding river, not only do we lose control, but those
nourished and supported by our activity are hurt: fish die, boats
run aground, crops dry up. Staying within our natural limits by
saying "no" to whatever is too much for us or whatever might flood
our lives and create chaos, is an essential practice for the conscious
public leader.
Some
leaders have a habit of "oversharing" and saying yes too often,
which denies others the opportunity to participate. The ego is always
eager to conclude that we should just "do it ourselves." This internal
voice seduces us into believing that we know best. It seems easier
to exclude others, take charge and take over. After all, we just
want to get it done!
This
dynamic destroys the collaborative process and, in very short order,
creates an addictive overworking syndrome. The healthy habit of
saying "no" at appropriate times conserves our energy and invites
others to pitch in.
The
personality trait that encourages us to participate is closely related
to the trait that encourages us to dominate a meeting, talk a bit
too much and vie for the center of attention. If we have convinced
ourselves that what we have to share is more important than what
others have to say, we expect them to listen to our plans and unquestioningly
follow our lead. This is the old top-down leadership style, and
it sabotages effective collaboration-the backbone of conscious public
leadership.
Effective
public leaders must master the delicate balance between knowing
when to say "yes" and when to say "no" and be quiet and listen,
thereby subtly encouraging others to lead.
Let's
Talk America! --- A nationwide
movement to bring Americans from all points on the political spectrum
together in cafes, bookstores, churches and living rooms for lively,
open-hearted dialogue to consider questions essential to our democracy.
Let's
Talk America! trusts that what we have in common may be greater
than we realize - while what divides us may be less than we imagine.
As
the partisan rhetoric of this presidential campaign season heats
up, Let's Talk America is a safe meeting ground, giving people across
the political map permission to have thoughtful, respectful conversations
with people they may disagree with. People are beginning to hold
these important conversations around the country already. You may
participate as a host or guest.
Just
go to www.letstalkamerica.org
to find resources to equip you to be a host and to find or post
conversations in your community.
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